Saturday, September 7, 2013

Would the skies turn midnight if dickheads could fly?

(Or alternately titled 'Will the skies turn midnight if the dickheads all vote?' or more succinctly 'RANT', just so you know whether or not you want to read on.)
I'm breaking two self-imposed and rather lackadaisically adhered-to bans on alcohol and election whingeing commentary here; another caveat. Be aware that my heart is a little bit broken and I have reached the stage in my day where the whole thing is about to unravel in a Pulp Fiction kind of way. So best I stay online sans boxcutters and not on the streets.

When I lived in NZ, strangers would ask me, "Why do you guys keep voting in that short, nasty little man?" as soon as I opened my mouth and revealed my Australian accent. Their question was never couched as a personal criticism, just a kind of bewilderment with our national predisposition to wing right. Despite my protests and leftie hair do, I was usually shuffled into the camp of the homophobes, xenophobes, nay Sorry people, Treaty renegers and climate change deniers, purely because of the bad press we were receiving back then.

That was about seven years ago. Or was it the 1950s? I forget.

So, I've lit the fire and cracked a red. I was supposed to go camping with some mates who specialise in ukeleles but the skies have been raining tears all day and the idea of driving 80 kilometres on a wet road to sit in the rain and commiserate, then swag it in the rain, maybe even wake up in the rain, all the while watching the lizard king rise to power ... well, I'm tough but I'm not that tough.

Jennifer over at No Place for Sheep wrote a great piece today on why she can't call the potential new prime minister a cunt. (Here) She's right. Cunts are actually quite nice things. Mine own has given me an inordinate amount of pleasure over the years. It is deductive logic with a most excellent premise (read Trudy Govier, she's awesome) to state that if the antecedant is true, the consequent will be true also. Therefore the potential prime minister Tony Abbott is not a cunt.

However this kind of deductive overthinking when it comes to giving right wing political party leaders vaginal avatars can self destruct. For example:

(Is that a logic leap? No it is not. The man is still a cunt.)

It's stopped raining. It's dark. I know those guys are sitting beside a fire playing ukeleles and having a marvellous time while I am in front of a screen and still wearing my ugg boots. Nah. It's started raining again. I'd prefer to be here.
Jesus wept.
I don't know where I want to be.
What a fucking day.


  1. It may be ok to call the potential new prime minister a 'dick', though. Mine has got me into a lot of trouble over the years, and I wonder if the pleasure was worth it.

  2. Replies
    1. I suppose it's just something which is programmed to get men into trouble. I almost wish it would irreparably break down, now that most of the objects of my desire consider me a safe old man.

    2. Into trouble?
      It just got him into Office.
      So what's changed?

    3. He's lucky - it's getting most elderly Brits into prison these days, and - these days - we don't send prisoners to Australia.

    4. The sad irony of those two statements combined, is that we sent you Rolf Harris, Tom. :~(

  3. Something funny ... I don't know if it is the demographic I'm hanging out with lately but three men said to me today, "I went to vote and forgot my glasses ... so I have no idea who I voted for. Blind as a bat I was."
    One was a Hanson stalwart, the other two were Greens.
    Methinks punters should hand out monocles as well as how to vote cards.

  4. this from Razor:
    "It is the work of government to collect and redistribute revenues. Enjoy seeing your working dollar speed to Gina.

    1. I think 'GOBSHITES' would be a better term ?

  5. No Mr Heron, we have a new prime minister as of half an hour ago.
    My anatomy does not do justice to him.

  6. Hi thanks for coming to my blog party last night even if I was AWOL for most of it. I have a headache this morning likely surely most of the country. I too haven't been drinking and in a way it just wasn't worth it but in another way it was absolutely required. We just must carry on. Hope you have a good Sunday Sarah.

    1. Thanks Melba, it was fun. Sorry about the Dockers, but ... y'know.

  7. Jeez. I commiserate Sarah. Thanks for this, my self-imposed embargo on politico-social commentary prevents me from doing a similar rant, but I can express myself here!

    My gut tells me Abbott is dangerous. Even Malcolm Frazer said he was and they are on the same side (or were at the time) I've figured out why - he is a repressed zealot. As we are talking about dicks anyway - watch Abbott's body language - not striding forth with dick proudly displayed, but scared and skulking nervously behind his bike shorts. How the fuck do you hide your dick in bike shorts? He seems to be able to - I've never had a clear visual shot. Not being completely crass here, the way a man displays his genitalia (and his relationship to them) tells you a lot about him. Abbott is a failed abbott, a frustrated religious zealot - a fanatic. Add to that the fact that he is a Scorpio/Rooster (same as a significant ex of yours I believe ST) and you have a diabolical cocktail.

    Labor has lost the plot and got thrashed because they need to sort themselves out - REALLY sort themselves out. They are playing a poor second as a sort of left-wing-come-right-wing party. They should just leave being right-wing selfish cunts to the Libs, they've had more practice and are much better at it.

    The Greens got sacrificed because people blamed them for the 'hung' parliament. A lot of Australians are just too fucking stupid to realise that it was one of the most effective governments in history when it came to implementing major reforms.

    Clive Palmer might win a seat because - wait for it - he is a conservative with a 'vision' - even if it is about building the Titanic 2 (which is a statement in itself) and a Jurassic Park style golf course. That tells you Australia is craving ideas and real reforms that both major parties are too gutless to implement because they are constantly playing it safe. I'm still wondering whether to return his Titanic 2 DVD and tell him to shove it up his arse or use it as a drink coaster.

    And there you have it. Australia is an unfunny a joke, and as you indicated - the rest of the world probably thinks so too.

  8. I think a lot of people, while laughing or getting outraged about Abbott's 'gaffes', failed to recognise a calculated effort to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Dark skies indeed.

  9. Hey SC, I like your sentiments and commiserations but not the imagery or potential triggers. Sorry mate but I deleted that one.

  10. Sorry if I offended... Actually, I'm not sorry at all. :)

  11. More gold from the girl:

    Helen Razer ‏@HelenRazer 1h
    Fuck off, Destroy the Joint. Hawke saved Medicare. You are a fucking single-issue nightmare as useful as the Shooters Party.

    1. I'm gathering Razor's comment is on DTJ's reaction to the former Labor PM Hawke saying that Tanya Plibersek would not make a good leader because she has a three year old child, whereas another contender Bill Shorten also has a three year old child.
      It's complicated, but I think she is right. Head for the macro. Major health care reforms protect women and children more than getting momentarily offended by an old guard's comment.