Ursli walked down the hill to call her up again. As she got closer to the road, the little dog gave her a look, like "so make me" and ran off. She ran straight onto the road and was immediately crushed to a furry bloodied pulp, in front of everyone, by a cavalcade of Hell's Angels on Harley Davidsons. After the roar of the bikies faded away, the screams and sobs of horrified onlookers rang through the valley.
Okay, so that didn't really happen. But it did in my mind. I had played out the whole scenario and was going into a state of fight, flight or freeze. My guts were churning, I was dizzy and later I realised I'd stopped breathing. While Ursli picked up the pup and walked back up the hill, put her on a leash, I was still scraping the carcass off the road.
What interested me was tracking my propensity for inventing worst case scenarios. The scene on the hill with Ursli's dog also made me realise how easily I can be towed around by my own fear. I mean, things have been going really well. Mine is never a very safe life, but it is exciting, loving, challenging and occasionally quite successful. An example of all this good juice is my gorgeous grand daughter Matilda Grace. (gratuitous grand child picture coming up)
There is another good thing that happened recently. I've been shortlisted for the Premier's Book Awards.
“From emerging writer Sally-Ann Jones’s book Stella’s Sea set at Cottesloe beach, David Whish-Wilson’s book Perth describing life by the Swan River and Sarah Drummond’s Salt Story about life as a fisherwoman in Western Australia, the Western Australian Premier’s Book Awards continue to attract the finest literary works created in Australia today.” (Margaret Allen, State Library of Western Australia CEO.)
Wowee. Although the award is a West Australian one, entries are open to all Australian writers and there are only four shortlisted in my Emerging Writers section. The winners are announced on September 22nd ... something else to get anxious about ... but there are no worst case scenarios in this one.
The imagination of a writer if you ask me. Congratulations on your nomination Sarah.
ReplyDeleteThank you Carol. That is a really good point.
ReplyDeleteCarol sent me - and I am grateful to her. I am a past mistress of 'worst-case scenarios' myself, crossing my bridges before I know there is a river. Sometimes it has positives - in that it lets me plan for all eventualities. Other days it just gives me grief and anxt. If you find a solution - let the worriers of the world know.
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations on your nomination.
Thanks Elephant's Child, and thanks again Carol!
ReplyDeleteA line from my book: "It's just like getting tattooed. There's no point in going through it twice."
I think "mindfullness" is the solution. It's just that it tends to turn up to the party late, for me anyway.
"The finest literary works created in Australia today."
ReplyDeleteExactly. And yes, overactive imaginations can be anxiety but also can just be what Carol said.
A useful resource then ...
DeleteAnd your little Matilda Grace is WONDERFUL. Meant to say that before but got onto the award [big smile]
DeleteAlso wonder why my avatar doesn't appear. Me & technology. We're like this you know.
Ain't she a peach?
DeleteThese sort of images pop into my head every few minutes when I walk down the road - especially with H.I. When they do, I exorcise them by whispering the word, 'No' to myself - it has turned into a combination of superstition and prayer, but you would be hard-pressed to tell the difference.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the award!
Thanks Tom. I wonder what would happen if you whispered 'Yes'?
DeleteThat is an awful and unthinkable thought - it would turn it into malevolent witch-craft.
DeleteWOOT! OMG so excited right now! Congratulations, you!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty cool yes?
ReplyDeleteI want one of those little gold stickers now.
You know I do exactly what you describe here Sarah - I have a similar propensity for imagining worst case scenarios. That fertile imagination is what got me into the whole 'Gap' thing, but I have done it all of my life anyway. I used to think it was something to do with the creative mind. But the Buddhists actually have a practice for this very thing to teach adepts about the inevitability of change and impermanence. Death REALLY IS just one breath away, and the soul knows this. Knowing that makes you live life to the full.
ReplyDeletePS Hope you win Sarah.
ReplyDeleteSame here Michelle :~)
DeleteGood luck with the award, Sarah (but your grandchild will always be more precious).
ReplyDeletePS my anxiety has decreased as I get older (and older). There are benefits to ageing.
That's brilliant news Mr Hat!
ReplyDeleteMe, too ... Queens of the Scenario, Sarah & Michelle et. al.
ReplyDeleteMy motto is "Catch the thoughts that are thinking themselves" (I've stolen that from someone - can't remember who, might be Julia Cameron). :)
PS I hope you win, too, Sarah.
that's a good one Barbara. Once again, i reckon it come back to being mindful.
ReplyDeleteAnxiety is hard, not everyone can tame it. I think it works as an energy source, the efforts it generates can yield creative results, positive outcomes, which probably act as counter balance. Getting better with your creative output is just a matter of time and repetition. Soon you get so good people see it and you get recognised. Of course some are better than others. You can't beat talent when it's married to hard work. I've got all my fingers crossed for the Premier's Award.
ReplyDeleteYay, so do I Ciaran. I also like your idea that anxiety works as an energy source. Yes, of course.
ReplyDelete