'Hi, I'm Sarah. I live across the road from you.'
'I'm ringing about the two rottweilers who turned up at my place this evening.'
'Well, it's the second time ... the first time it was early in the morning and they scared the shit out of the dog and me. If you could please tell the people who are staying there to lock them -'
'- they're my dogs. I've just bought them to look after my place. We've been done over four times in the last month.'
'Sorry to - '
' - you might know him. The cops told me there's a national alert out for him. He's one of the xxxx boys. He's been in here several times and taken stuff, so I bought the dogs.'
'They're a breeding pair right?'
'So could you please make sure they stay out of our yard? Can you shut your gate?'
'The gate's shut.'
'No it's not. I just watched your dogs saunter home. And didn't xxxx's dad die last week?'
'Yeah, he died and the cops were waiting but his son didn't show at the funeral. Apparently he's living out bush around here, in a shed, does us over whenever he feels like it. He's gone feral. He'll get done soon enough. That's why I bought the dogs.'
'xxxx? But Ive known him since he was a kid. He was lovely.'
At this point in the phone call, I'd garnered some interesting information but not a solid "I promise that my two rottweilers will not turn up at your house before dawn to attack your puppy." So, yeah, he's a difficult character this bloke. At best, from the most spectacularly unfriendly neighbour ever, (you can read of how he feels about neighbours here) I got a; 'Look, I keep the dogs locked in the shed all day and only let them out at night. That's when they earn their keep, yeah?'
This statement made me feel sooo much better.
'Just shut the gate please. I don't want your dogs visiting us.'
'Alright, well they are sitting right here with me right now as I speak - and I hope your car doesn't get stolen and look after your jerry cans too.'