Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Encounter with a pig

 Bushwoman came out of the supermarket, carrying a beer box full of vegetables, honey and bones. She looked across the street and saw the Schoolteacher, filling the back of her car with much of the same, maybe some extra boxes of wine.

'How are you?'

'Oh, very well,' answered the Schoolteacher, ' and now I must inspect this pig.' She pointed to a car towing a trailer that housed an enormous pig.

'I think I should join you,' said the Bushwoman and and after the Schoolteacher had rested her shopping trolley safely against the back of her car, they walked arm in arm along the middle of the deserted main street, to see the pig. 

As they approached the trailered pig, the Driver tried starting the car. Arump arump arump. The man in the passenger side got out carrying a hammer. ''Ha!' said the Schoolteacher. 'You thought you'd escape us!'

'Give that starter motor a good thump,' said the Driver, and tried turning it over again. The Passenger gave up but by then the Bushwoman and the Schoolteacher were all staring at the biggest Sow they'd ever seen.

'Isn't she the biggest pig you've ever seen?' said the Schoolteacher. And indeed she was. Pink, fat, with udders that swayed. The Sow nosed at a Chinese takeaway box that the Driver slid into the cage. She sniffed at the vanilla slice and then turned back to the Bushwoman and the Schoolteacher, pressing her snout against the wire, inspecting them.

Bushwoman had seen whales do the same thing, search for an ally.

'Her name is Deloria,' said the Driver defensively, as a crowd began to gather. 

'She'd make for great chops,' said the Kid. The Bushwoman hadn't seen him for three years. The Kid was taken away from his parents and now he's returned. He's stretched a foot or two since then. He's standing there all tall, blonde and upright. He wants to be a butcher, he told the Bushwoman.

The local Yogi sat watching on the brick steps on the other side of the street, near the pharmacy, natural endorphins shaking his head. 

The Driver slid the Chinese takeaway container under the cage and ate the vanilla slice. 'She's our prize pig!' he said. 'Give that starter another thump!'

And the motor went arumph arumph. 'Okay, let's hit the road,' the driver said as the car chocked into life.

Bushwoman, Schoolteacher and The Kid waved goodbye to the pig and her chauffeurs as they ambled to the highway.



  1. Great characters. A bit 'Deliverance'! Not sure feeding a pig a vanilla slice is the best idea.

    1. She didn't seem interested in the vanilla slice anyway.

  2. Thumping the starter motor with a hammer is actually a handbook professional technique, not just the usual violence meted out by men on uncooperative inanimate objects. I have only just discovered this when my starter motor packed up a year or so ago. WHAM! That will be £70 please.

    1. It's a fine art. I used to do it every morning until the starter motor finally gave up the ghost.