Press Release * Press Release * Press Release * Press Release * Press Release
For immediate release 21/01/2026
From:
The Office of
Sir Wilton Smee-Brough
Chief Protector: Arts
And Culture.
Province of Halcyon Spit
Bicentennial Celebrations Paused Until Further Notice
HALCYON SPIT, Australia. The Office of Arts and Culture wishes to advise that provincial organisation underway for the ‘First Peoples First’ Bicentenary Celebration of Colonisation is to be paused. Negotiations are currently being held with historians, community groups, artist collectives, private contractors and first nations people to decide the future of the Bicentennial.
“It’s been revealed that a small group of radical dissenters are influencing vulnerable communities to deny the fact that Colonisation of our beautiful province deserves any celebration or a public holiday to recognise the hard-working pioneers,” a spokesperson for Sir Wilton Smee-Brough (OAM) said.
The newly anointed Mayor of Halcyon Spit, the honourable Geoffory Strokes, added “This is why Mums and Dads can’t have nice things like a day off in our busy working lives. Our ancestors came here from over the seas, cleared land and worked hard. The Bicentennial is a time for celebration of these people. I hope that those woke lefties will somehow see some sense and recognise that our story is more relevant than their mid morning latte discussions.”
Lifelong Halcyon Spit resident and Rotary President Alan Spittles said, “Isn’t this all about the Referendum? Some folks are just feeling bitter about the outcome and they’re using it against us now. It’s just sad. It’s a real shame. I can’t have day off for the Bicentennial now.”
The Office of Arts and Culture has advised that Australians will not be entitled to a Public Holiday.
The Office of
Sir Wilton Smee-Brough
Chief Protector: Arts and Culture
Province of Halcyon Spit
P: 0408896382
End Press Release ###
“So, the historians are revolting,” Sage said with a sideways twist of her head and a smirk when she read the press release.
“Yeah, they do that,” said Ben, understanding the subtext. “Difficult to contain that mob. Am I good to go ahead?”
Ben was the sub editor of the Halcyon Herald but he was also twenty years junior to Sage, a veteran local journalist and Alan Spittles’ niece. A newbie from the city, Ben’s job was to invent clever headlines and make sure the ipso factum text was replaced with actual news. He was supposed to report directly to Jason Edwards, the Herald’s editor. But he always consulted Sage first. Sage found this touching, a man the same age as her son coming to her for advice but there was also a strategic edge to him that spiked her gut. He wouldn’t be stuck in Halcyon Spit for long. Not with that face, the Da Vinci perfection of his proportions, and a nose for culture wars. Heading straight to the national broadsheet was Ben.
“Uncle Al’s retired.” Sage said. “He doesn’t even need a day off. Run it as is,” she instructed him. “Then watch this one play out. Whatever comes next will write itself.” She pointed her index finger at Ben. “This is gonna be a doozy.”
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