Friday, December 5, 2008

$How Shall I Spend Thee?$

It's official. I don't have to sell the children for scientific experiments until at least January.
Working a lot has been good for the bank balance but having a "child that attracts Family Tax Benefit Part A or B" makes life even better this week. My rigorous genetic selection criteria has paid off yet again. It's great having attractive children.

Sooo... mmm a thousand bucks, how shall I spend thee? It's a calculated move by the Man, delivered with all the same benevolence of Roosevelt's Resurrection campaign during the Great Depression. Imagine handing over a thousand bucks to every cashed up exec? It would be stashed under the bed quicker than your neighbourhood Casanova. Rudd knows that those on the bare bones of their arse will spend, spend, spend and right before Christmas too. Doesn't really matter what on.

Rough estimation time (and it is very rough because I'm having problems downloading Census data) - a population of 28,000, an ageing demographic who are likely to be as attractive as my children + 3,000 primary school children, fifty percent of whom are attractive.

This equates to at least one eighth of this town's population being in the aisles of Kmart by Wednesday next week. That's three and a half million dollars, a conservative estimate, injected into this town's retail sector in a matter of days.

A friend says, "Why don't I get a thousand bucks? I could do with a thousand bucks."
"You're a single, white male," I tell him, suddenly feeling heady and arrogant due to ingesting too many economic stimulants. "You don't have to pay the tooth fairy her hush money."


  1. Ahh, the bliss of being a mother, rightful payment for being the womb-man!! Enjoy it, and spend it while you can :)

  2. Yeah, well I am a white woman and heve never received any thanks, monetary or otherwise, for not adding to an already overpopulated world. Good luck to you - but when everyone finally realises that we are breeding ourselves off the planet like some stupid goldfish in a pond, it will be too late for you all to thank me. And there will be no satisfaction in saying 'I told you so'.

  3. I'd give you my booty as thanks but ... this week I wish I'd actually had about fifteen kids.

  4. Hey, enjoy it. In your case I reckon you have earned it! You know I think you are gorgeous and it is not a personal comment.