Bloody snakes ... this time of year I'm very glad for the sliding glass doors at my house. I can see what's outside before I go lurching out in bare feet. The front door is north facing and so it is a happy place for snakes to power up their solar energy in the mornings.
There's been a tiger snake hanging around there for the last week, which usually sidles into the geraniums when I open the door. But yesterday it just lay in the grass, all quiet. I was doing my laundry when I saw it through the glass door. I opened the door and threw a cake of soap at the snake. It didn't move. Flies and ants hung on it's ready-to-moult roughened skin. I threw my machete next (it's by the front door for this purpose) but the blade landed nearby and still the tiger didn't move. I thought, maybe it's dead? After all, the insects are loving this critter. Just to be sure, I found my ging and loaded it with lead pellets. Scatter shot was my next weapon. Unfortunately the rubber on the highly illegal ging busted and there were lead pellets all over the laundry floor. I picked them up and threw them at this bloody snake.
'There are so many places to go!' I yelled. 'Just fuck off, will ya.'
Finally, throwing a whole shovel did the trick. Snakes don't like shovels, apparently. They are fine with soap, machetes and buckshot but shovels ... whoa. Snake slid off into the geraniums like a gangster.
'My least favourite season around here is summer,' a surfer colleague said to me recently. 'There's shit surf, there's bushfires and then there's the tiger snakes.'
I sprayed kerosene around the front door, not because I wanted to burn the house down to get back at the snake (though tempting), but because I know these critters absolutely hate petrochemicals. My latest plan is also based on Foucault's 'language as power' theories: I'll call this serpentine visitor Miss Nope Rope McDanger Noodle in order to curate a casual 'irreverent' vibe -where the snake's power as the personification of evil, death and The Fall is nullified by my excellent sense of humour.
So far, this is working.
You'll have to keep the shovel handy. A snake at the door is almost as bad as indoors. I did not know fuel repels snakes. One summer, I had a rat snake behind my house in the grass. He disappeared and ended up in my neighbor's swimming pool.
ReplyDeleteEek! I discovered petrochemicals while working on the tower. A dugite was nosing around trying to get in and I squirted some metho in its path. The snake's tongue darted in and out and then it left the area, quick smart
DeleteI wouldn't want to live where there are snakes like that.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's terrible. Tell everyone! Terrible place :)
DeleteYou are brave, sense of humour or no! Miss Noodle didn't blink at your trusty machete?! I'd be panicking looking at my finest weapons laying at its insolent foot/feet/whatever.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe it. Who is not scared of a machete? And I'm not brave, quite terrified of snakes to tell you the truth. The worst thing is having to go out to retrieve said weapons, knowing she's still around.
ReplyDeleteI am guessing you die if you get bitten by a tiger snake, but how long does it take and how painful is it?
ReplyDeleteYes they are deadly but mainly for our dogs. Most of the time tigers just want to get out of the way. Talk about anxiety-inducing. A good snake bandage will give you six hours. Otherwise about half an hour?
DeleteBy the way, it's at least an hour's drive to a vet or a doctor where I live, so for the dog it's palliative care.
DeleteSolar powered devices speared into the ground, say two or three per home, seem to work. They emit some kind of thumping unpleasantness as I understand it. They seemed to work where I used to stay at the "spare" house at the farm in Gnowangerup, except briefly after a summer flood event where I presume the electronics needed to dry out. That was when I encountered a large dugite in the house, just after removing my outer clothing (it was a stinker of a day) after an afternoon of bowls. To cut a long, adrenaline filled story short, it ended badly for the snake unfortunately. At home in Pwakenbak we see a dugite now and then in the compost bin, no doubt following the mice. Or looking for the King's skinks, which we have more than our fare share. They are ALWAYS giving us a startle.
ReplyDeleteThe local hardware shop has stopped selling thumpers. I think they stopped believing in them and couldn't have them on their conscience any more. It's a bit like the roo whistles on your car - do they actually work? There's no control group to find that out.
DeleteThe roo whistles are more than silly.
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