Monday, January 30, 2023

Latest fake news on the quokka scenario

 Apparently, the Thylacine sign that appeared just up from my driveway in 2020 was a response to the Quokka sign put up days before. The reasoning was that no one had seen a quokka on this road for more than forty years - but no one had seen a Thylacine either - so the best minds at the inlet decided that the Quokkas must have killed all the Thylacines and then erected the Quokka sign in a kind of passive aggressive tactical maneuver. In an epic act of resistance, locals decided to write an email to the council who eventually produced another sign.

Here is my initial investigative report released two and two thirds years ago. I'm happy to report that the Thylacine sign challenged Quokkas, and that break and enters by Quokkas at the inlet halved by at least a quarter. This was a massive success in lawn order.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday, I saw a Quokka crossing the track as I was driving to work. It was very close to my house. I know they are dangerous when cornered, so I didn't stop the car and anyway, I wasn't wearing any PPE.

This sighting of a killer, delinquent Quokka on the track was interesting. BUT on my way home from work, I noticed that the Thylacine sign was missing. Someone had removed the sign, post and all. IS THIS A COINCIDENCE??? I think not.

Stay tuned folks for further updates. Next week I interview Doctor Runnell McSquarePoo, an expert on the sinister habits of all maligned marsupials.

Fuck I've gotta start a true crime podcast *mutters* onto something here


  1. This sounds like dueling signs. Did somebody take matters in to his/her own hands and disappear a sign or was the removal official? All a cliffhanger. Will the facts every be known? Given your sighting, do you think the Quokka population is on the increase? Possibly this sign is needed.

  2. Hahahah!! Meanwhile, folk in the Kingdom of Western Australia might be shocked to learn there's a wildlife park in Sydney that charge the gullible & unsuspecting a full 130 after-tax dollars for a "quokka experience". With neither warnings nor protective gear in sight!!

  3. Wow $130! Do you reckon they'd pay for a Quokka Sign Experience? I could give up my day job.

  4. Here, he would be called Quokka McQuokkface.