Friday, January 8, 2021

Father and Son

 Recently my son and I got a bit drunk and finally we talked about the funeral.

"I hope I haven't fucked up those songs for you forever," I said to him .For some reason I ended up organising the funeral.  His Dad was so into the Doors and Cat Stevens that I thought we should play them at the funeral. At the time, texts to and fro normally finished with my son asking 'what do you need me to do mum?' He was so flat out dealing with cattle breaking fences, the funeral, the neighbours, his father dying.... his head simply couldn't take on a funeral play list.

So I had a song list by the Doors. Roadhouse Blues. 'Keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes upon the road.' Nup. Not so good for a car accident fatal. How about Jim Morrison's 'There's a killer on the road. His brain is squirming like a toad..?' Nope. The man comes around' by Johnny Cash?

 'And so the four horsemen came and they were followed by DEATH.' No. Just no.  It was pretty tricky. All the good songs were taken out via context. By then we'd got the prelim coroner's report, it was a few days around the funeral day, and we were getting emotionally smashed all over again.

In the end, my son agreed to this song at the funeral:

We even did a bit of Johnny Cash. My son said that night that he had a greater investment in these songs since his Dad died. He said I hadn't wrecked those songs for him. He just understands them a little bit better.

What an amazing young man he is.


  1. Excellent choice Sarah. I was mad about Cat Stevens in the 70s. His songs are meaningful, possibly because of his faith which maddeningly took him out of the music scene for years.

    I haven't seen your boy for years but he seems like a lovely, solid young man. I remember he always struck me as a rather 'serious' child - there was a sense of maturity about him even then. I hope he has been able to deal with his father's death and live his own life.

    1. Yes, he was 'serious' wasn't he?
      He's getting on okay. What he said about appreciating those songs more just blew me away. He's an Ox too, so it's his year and it says so much about who he is ... solid, strong, gentle and when ploughing - moving towards his target.

    2. And a Virgo, if I am remembering that right? Two earth signs so no wonder he is steady. The astrology for this year is HUGE - every planet square to others. So it will be another big year, but in a different way. 2020 was the explosive Rat (me) - the shake-up, the challenging of beliefs and intentions. 2021 is the year of: make the choice, commit - stick to your truth. It won't be possible to pretend or bullshit your way through any more. And finally the end of the patriarchal-material based order that has been holding us down for about 200 years. 2021 is about integrity, authenticity....a reckoning by all accounts. If you live by your own truth I don't think there will be much to fear - except the chaos that others will face perhaps, which will have flow on effects. Bring it on I say. It will be a big year for your boy - always is when it's in your quarter. 2020 was a struggle for me. But hopefully the way ahead will be more open, so it's not all bad.

    3. That's great to hear Michelle, thanks.